


Bleeding Dreams Into Nightmares

by Hebi_Grin



Category: Gintama
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen, Joui 3, Joui 4, Self Translation, i don't really know what tags use, pre-benizakura, shinsuke's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 10:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19004035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hebi_Grin/pseuds/Hebi_Grin
Summary: Right before Benizakura affair, Shinsuke remembers about different moments, both happy and sad, with his former comrades.Spoilers up to episode 305!





	Bleeding Dreams Into Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> What a time to publish this, right after chapter 703 came out! ç_ç  
> By the way. If you find mistakes, feel free to tell me! I'm not native and this is not beta'ed.  
>  ~~Enjoui!~~ Enjoy!

 

 

The jet of hot water was filling the tub. The bathroom was increasingly fogged by the thick steam merging with the smoke he was exhaling.

Shinsuke looked blankly at the curls of it blending and disappearing into the mist that filled the bathroom and took another drag.

The faint sound of combustion as he inhaled, the breath with which it was puffed and the water that fell relentlessly were the only sounds he could hear and the only ones he needed at that moment.

Bansai could have heard another sound, coming from his soul, yet he would not have been delighted with it. The usual riot of instruments that quickly and unexpectedly overlapped one another, stratifying and taking on the alternate rhythm - the choirs, the electric guitars, the bass, the drums, the saxophone -, joined in the background the broken, jarring, uneven sound of a scratched vinyl record. If he hadn't sent him to try haggling with the Harusame, he could have pointed out that his soul was not attuned every time he went to Edo, aware of the fact he’d see his old comrades.

He placed the kiseru at the edge of the tub in an automatic gesture and stepped over the edge. His skin almost ached from the high temperature of the water, gaining a reddish shade. His head lolled back, eyes closed.

 

*

 

_The bonds_

"Gintoki, Takasugi, is the water temperature okay now?" Katsura asked as he tilted his head to the Shouka Sonjuku's ofuro threshold after reinvigorating the fire to heat the tub.

"Zura, are you kidding me? It's too hot! What's up, you've decided you want us to turn red like shrimps to make us ridiculous, eh? Is that how you want to become a general?" Gintoki had almost screamed, as he dipped a finger in the water.

Kotarou sighed deeply.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura. And a little while ago you said it was _too lukewarm_."

"It's fine for me." Shinsuke noticed, his body already in the tank.

"Because you're already a shrimp, Ebisugi!"

“Stop talking nonsense!" Takasugi yelled, throwing the wet towel at him. Gintoki threw him the soap.

"Stop being idiots, you two!"

  


*

  


The Leader of the Kihetai did not know whether he was more nervous about the growing delay of the two shaggy heads or because of the way Zura was showing his concern in the tent of the Four Generals, sheltered from the eyes of the soldiers who believed him perpetually composed and cold as the snow that was falling outside.  

"Zura, sit down. Walking back and forth will not make them come back sooner. "

"They should have been here an hour ago, Takasugi! An hour!".

"Don't worry, they will arrive soon."

"How can you be sure of that? They could have been ambushed! I'll set up research teams and-- "

"Here we are," said Gintoki entering the tent followed by Tatsuma.

The two boys were cold from the frigid temperature outside, and a gust of icy wind accompanied their entrance.

Shinsuke, sitting cross-legged, had a look at them and then to Kotarou.

"I told you they would be here soon, Zura."

Katsura breathed a sigh of relief seeing them but quickly regained the formal and aloof attitude with which he dressed as a general.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura. Finally! Dry yourself immediately. We can't let you fall ill. What's the situation like?".

"The Amantos are gathering in the valley beyond the hill behind us. "Two thousand units," said Gintoki, wearing a dry coat.

"And in the east, they're reinforcing the ranks with mixed units like the ones we saw yesterday in the west," Sakamoto added as he rubbed a cloth against his hair.

"Pincer movement," Takasugi stated.

"They are surrounding us, eh...?" Katsura murmured thoughtfully, staring at the map on the table.

"So what do you want to do, Zura?" Sakamoto asked.

Kotarou did not correct it, eyes glued to the map.

"We retreat to Kyoto," he said after a long silence, while the other three watched him biting his lower lip.

“Kyoto, eh? Rumours say the Bakufu has less influence on the population there. We should be able to reorganize," Takasugi acknowledged.

"I already hear the men: Do we go back like shrimp? Are we acting cowards like rabbits?". Said Gintoki, his right hand scratching his neck.

“Kyo is famous for its temples and brothels; they will be happy to be rabbits there!” exclaimed Sakamoto, and his radiant laughter eased them all quickly.

  


*

 

_The aspirations_

Shinsuke had his hands numb with cold, but he crumpled the fifteenth snowball, on which he placed two berries like eyes and two leaves to make its ears.

It was not the first time that Zura had ideas nothing short bizarre, but this one was right among the most outlandish.

Shinsuke would have sworn to be playing that game just because Gintoki had followed Zura in that idiocy and insinuated that Shinsuke had his hands too small to make more of it than him.

"Oh, are you making snow rabbits?"

The three children turned to the smiling figure of Shouyou sitting in the engawa.

"Did I ever tell you about the Tsuki no Usagi tale?"

"No, Shouyou-sensei!" Zura replied with too much enthusiasm. He immediately abandoned the rabbits and sat in front of the master.

 _Nerd_.

"Right now, Shouyou? I'm beating this fool!  "Gintoki exclaimed, pointing at Shinsuke with his thumb.

"Ohi! You've made as many as I did, you dumb! "

“Hmm... I would say that it's a draw for now. Don’t you agree?".

Shouyou's tone and smile left very little room for imagination. They could hear the story now and continue their little challenge later or use snow rabbits to appease the pain of the bumps they would have had if they continued to show their vast knowledge of the synonyms of ‘idiot’.

Both chose the first option.

“Well then… One day a poor traveller came into a wood, hungry and exhausted. Stopping to rest he met a monkey, an otter, a jackal and a rabbit, and asked them for help to find food. The monkey immediately disappeared into the greenery and returned with fruit found on the trees. The otter dived into the cool waters and gave him a succulent fish, while the jackal stole from a nearby food house ".

"And the rabbit?" Gintoki asked, his voice slightly altered by the finger he had stuck into his nose looking for a booger.

"The rabbit was unable to get anything, thus he threw himself into the flames so that he too could give food to the traveller."

"Poor little rabbit..." sobbed Katsura, on whose head Shouyou put his hand in a delicate and comforting caress.

"But the wayfarer was a deity, so he praised the rabbit by impressing his effigy on the moon. You know, you can see it on full moon nights... Can you imagine what the meaning of the story is? ”

The children shook their heads.

"The spirit of sacrifice, my little samurai".

  
  
*  
  


_The desires_

The light summer breeze gently caressed the four young samurai, lying on the grass and with their eyes fixed on the sky.

Above, the full moon looked at them like a loving mother.

"... And that is the constellation of Aries," Sakamoto explained, his finger pointing at a group of stars to trace the outlines.

Gintoki yawned. "Weren’t we here to see shooting stars? Since when has it become an astronomy lesson, eh?".

"Eheh, Kintoki, but you still don't see them! You know, guys... I really want to ask the stars to live among them," he said dreamily. "And you? What would you ask them?"

"Grandma used to tell me that if you reveal what you ask to shooting stars, it is more difficult for it to come true," said Katsura, but with the corner of his left eye, Shinsuke saw his hand lightly caressing his chest, where he used to keep the green booklet of their childhood at Shouka Sonjuku.

"You know very well which is mine."

"And you, Kintoki?"

Gintoki kept his eyes fixed on the full moon, perhaps looking for that rabbit Shouyou sensei had told them about, and he didn't answer.

  


*

  


The sunlight was strong, and Shinsuke narrowed his eyes to get used to the sight after waking up.

The voice and the words of that man, both strong and curious, were enchanting his heart.

"... And become your idea of a samurai".

The whole speech of the man was engraved in his mind as he spoke. He realized he had to think about it, but it could be a hint to find the piece he felt was missing, and that the Academy could not give him.

The next day the body would still be sore, but again, with the shinai held between his small fingers, he would have challenged the strange pupil of this even stranger man.

  


*

 

_The hatred_

His body moved by itself, suddenly insensitive to the pain that pervaded every fibre of it. The voice was hoarse from the same fury that had moved him, and he shouted Gintoki's name when Shouyou's head was still in midair.

His eyes, fixed on the figure of a candid funereal white soiled from the bloodstained in front of him, registered his smile only for a moment before one of them darkened forever and his lips closed. His scream became mute, but his soul kept shouting deafening, and only he could hear it.

  


*

  


The memories in which he had lingered brought him back to the reality when his left eye pulsed as if it wanted to break the image of Gintoki's smile. As when children they played to crease the other's shape reflected in the surface of the river.

He brought a wet hand and placed it on the ever since closed eyelid to placate the pulse and fix the image in memory of his determination, as a bloody tear was dripping onto his cheek.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments and concrits are always appreciated. ♡


End file.
